It’s silence. Blissful silence. An upwards floating.
Me being my soul and the ceiling fast approaching my “open eyes” as “I” floated up towards the heavens and my human body remained below.
For me, this was the case.
There was no gnashing of anything. There was no language. There was no religion.
There was purity, comfort, and recognition.
There was only the brief, somewhat-responsible Earthly search of unconditional love that would need my Earthly help (no other search occurred to me) which is why I came back (my 19-year-old cat)…not for fam, nor for friends, not for fame, money, not for anything material or even “spiritual”, or even this website and its undescribe-able helenbobelen-nesses.
And there was the recognition of the ridiculousness of the situation that had unfolded the night of the 3rd Presidential Debate: emotions and TV noise around the Presidential elections and me just wanting us to all get along, not to mention, the ridiculousness that I, Helenbobelen-Helen, found death while in a bathtub after grinding myself along 3 miles (after going a previous 5 miles) and turning down help from a kind stranger.
Clearly, if I’d gotten this far, I wasn’t supposed to remain dead…
So, I came back to that calico now sitting next to me, next to that ridiculous bathtub-would-be-coffin; I came back to that gorgeous Bronx-born cat who was waiting patiently to finally rescue me back, not making a sound.
Within one day, I gave up the crutches, was doing yoga (modified), lifting weights (modified), and eating a pound of kale and drinking gallons of filtered water. Within seven days, I gave up the leg prosthetic (it no longer fit), switched to a smaller brace (using safety pins to keep its shape) and was driving a car solo and running errands. Within 14 days, I was using my kickscooter. All the while, I was donating to childrens’ charities and making good on any hospital/x-ray bills.
I (drug-free and well-hydrated) was already thanking God that early morning we pulled out of that hospital parking lot, but music, art, and well-honed health and wellness habits, along with being around kind clients and young’uns pulled off any darkness.
I know where that excessive darkness loves to live. I provide it sweet silence.
I have a body, but I’m not this body-mind complex. This I’ve known for decades.
I suppose The Creator wanted me to tell you this story. It’s been over a year so the timing’s reasonable. The photos serve as documentation and attest to how the body naturally wants to heal itself. I got out of my own way and allowed it to happen. Perhaps natural healing is in your path, too. Either way, I remain judgement-free.
I’m most grateful.
P.S. I’m also grateful to be alive at a time where Hollywood’s/TV Media’s shiny veneer is being peeled back and the underlying sticky tar revealed…to bring about more equality and respect for all the earnest genders and to be recognized as humans who have souls. May the younger female generations have sovereignty/freedom in art, love, time, bodily-privacy, and in any business venture that allows the former for themselves and others, along with charitable-giving to better the planet and future generations, including the evolving male gender. This Helenbobelen’s not a millionaire, but was early-endowed with the wisdom to turn down multiple tar-laden millions and whenever necessary, continue to do so as a female (charitable!) indie-artist. May we all go deeper and let go…to create better emotional and therefore, material creativity…